Two weeks ago, I was beseiged by difficulty in my personal life – minor difficulties. I had to discover for myself that I am a brand. Now, to some, that may sound very presumptuous and arrogant. However, I know one of these days, I may have to answer asinine questions. Questions that don’t have anything to do with my art. Why? Because, unfortunately, as one of my long time friends loves to say, “Everybody loves a trainwreck.” I had to tell my friends on my social networking sites to keep in mind that I’m on the cusp of running a business – and more importantly – I am that business.
It spiralled into a contentious conversation with my ex-girlfriend of four years. After expressing to my friends that I need to mature and that I’m done with being so blue with my humor on my pages toward them – I was accused of being selfish. That may be true, but my question would be, “Who’s more concerned about me? You? Or me?” The conversation negatively spiralled downard into ‘reliving.’ Now – for those who are mature enough to understand what I mean? You know. For those who don’t? It felt as though my soul went back in time back to 2005 – a time when I was broken, a time when I was hurting, a time when I was the most confused. Earlier this year, I made a promise to myself after I was at my most depressed and angriest, in 2008, to never go back to the past. However, I am human, and I took that step back with this woman. After hearing charges levied against me that were four years old, I discovered this person hasn’t forgiven me – and never will. Even after promising me that we would forgive each other, put things in the past and be friends, I understood that our agreement was conditional on her part.
I feel within me that God spoke to me and said, “Make a clean break from this bitch – because she’s bringing you out of your character, you weak ass punk!” Yes, my God speaks very frankly to me. After telling her that I was done with her, I slept off the immediate pain – but that type of venom can take away some emotional and mental energy. So it took a few days for me to get back to my normal self.
Why am I talking about these situations? Well, it’s obvious to me: In order to truly be the best man/entertainer/singer/songwriter/producer/humanitarian I can be? I must rid myself of those things which take my joy away from me. When I am negative about anything, my focus immediately goes directly toward that issue. To be as healthy as I can be, I must forgive. Otherwise, I would want to physically do damage to that person/place/thing. I am a Christian not because I’m perfect. I’m a Christian because I need help and I am grossly imperfect. It’s also not about religion for me. It’s about spirituality. Religion is about politics, rituals and traditions – not for me. Spirituality is strictly about the one-on-one relationship between you and God – which is for me. If I were atheist, or agnostic? I would be in jail – because, as a human being, I would want to beat the shit out of so many people on this planet! Since I believe in a Higher Power, I have to tap into the love within me. I’m glad I do – because being negative about things which go wrong about this planet takes too much time, energy and focus. So – I have to focus on what makes me happy.
When I am positive about life? I am peaceful – and I love feeling peaceful. I am full of grace and love. I was given this gift of being a recording artist two months ago. Barring any unforunate circumstances, my project, “Patience Is Strength,” will begin production roughly in three weeks. I’m patiently awaiting for December 7 to arrive. For many of you? Sex is that perfect getaway – where no one can touch you, where everything feels right, where heaven is truly at your front doorstep. For me? I love sex – but put me in front of a keyboard to write one of my songs, or a microphone to record my vocals in the booth – or a different type of microphone to perform in front of a loving, appreciative audience? That is nirvana for me. I can’t be touched. I can’t be upset. I can’t be negative – because I’m being enveloped into my occupational purpose on earth. If I could have sex with music, I would. It is that powerful and meaningful to me. I was reminded that I can’t allow outside forces pull me away from my true purpose. I’m so close to having my dream become a reality. I can’t turn back, now, because others want to be negative around, to or about me.
Thank you very much – and many blessings!
